So what <i>do</i> we call it?

More confusion today on what, exactly, we call…um…it.

On Wednesday the World Health Organization (WHO) raised the threat level of the H1N1 swine flu outbreak to an imminent risk of pandemic.

To recap: we can’t call it “swine flu,” because that’s offensive to Jews and Muslims, not to mention bad for the pork industry.

We can’t call it “Mexican flu,” because that’s offensive to Mexicans, and we can’t call it “Undocumented Flu,” because then Democrats will want to give it free health care and voting rights.

Now the Washington Times follows Grandpa Steve’s lead and calls it the “H1N1 swine flu.” I don’t see how that’s any better, really: can you see the nation’s anchormen trying to squish through all those syllables seven times in a 90-second story?

Or the pork industry explaining: “It’s not regular pigs, it’s just those danged H1N1 pigs.”

Me, neither.

How about this: we convert the 1s to Is, and call it the Hini flu. Pronouced “hee-nee,” not “heinie,” because, you know:

• “The World Health Organization today announced that we’ve really sat in it this time.”

• “Flu shots – mostly delivered through the arm – in high demand today…”

• “Get Off Your Ass, Angry Public Tells Government Health Officials.”

• “Hini Flu kicking the U.S. economy in the…well, you know.”

Or how about the R2D2 Flu? Play off the letter-number thing. And it rhymes. That’s always a plus. Although then people might morph that into the Star Wars Flu, which might make the public more distrustful of aliens, and then we’re back to the whole racism thing.