Christian Bale sure looks different without all the dirt on his face.

Speaking of Christian Bale, did I ever tell you about the time I helped him tie his tie?

They filmed part of the Dillinger movie “Public Enemies” at the Wisconsin State Capitol, where I work. Lots of guys in costumes walking around, and a rumor that – gasp! – Christian Bale was doing some scenes there.

Screeech! Hand to forehead…and…swoon!

Well, sometime that afternoon I walked into the men’s room, and by God, there he was, with two female assistants. They couldn’t get his tie on right. Duh. He needs a male assistant for that. Girls don’t wear ties. Usually.

But I do. I offered aid. They accepted. I stood behind Bale and tied his tie for him (it was challenging, lemme tell you, since it was one of those 1920-style ties, and the guy is like 5’4 or something).

I should mention that I wasn’t actually sure it was him until he introduced himself.

Then he mentioned how he’d kill for a cup of coffee, and I invited him back to my office. I always have coffee. Good conversation. He told me how frustrating it is to be shooting a scene, trying to get a difficult bit of character done while there’s all kinds of noise going on with the lights and stuff. I told him: Chris (I call him Chris), don’t take that crap. You’re a professional actor. An artist. And they need to quiet the hell down and let you practice your art.

I heard later that he took my advice.

(Editor’s note: there may be a few small exaggerations in the above post.)