“I was just out digging in the garden with Michelle, and all of a sudden my shovel hits something hard…”

President Obama found $313 billion!

President Barack Obama says he’s now found savings that will pay almost all the costs of a massive overhaul of America’s health care system.

Obama on Saturday is announcing an additional $313 billion in new proposed savings that he says would bring the total funding available for his top-priority health insurance reform to nearly $950 billion over 10 years.

How do you just “find” $313 billion? And if it was there to be “found,” what was it there for? Surely it wasn’t just hidden in a mattress?

Although I guess I’d rather D.C. was just hiding the money in mattresses. It’s less irresponsible than what they’re really doing.

Note to President Obama: “cutting” the money out of the “stimulus” package doesn’t count.

Just in case you’re having trouble keeping up with the Carrie Prejean/Tami Farrell Miss California thing…

…let’s meet the cast!

Carrie Prejean: the now-former Miss California, who missed out on being Miss USA by this much after telling an openly gay pageant judge that she believes in traditional marriage.

She was stripped (no pun, I swear!) of her title this week: she says it’s because of the moral stand she took; Miss California officials say it’s because she wasn’t upholding her contract.

Tami Farrell: the new Miss California. Runner-up to Prejean, taking over the role now that Prejean is out. She may hold the same beliefs as Prejean.

One does wonder whether Miss California officials are holding their breath, hoping there aren’t any more shoes to drop.

Shanna Moakler: former Miss New York and Miss USA, also Playmate of the Month in December of 2001 and co-director of the Miss California USA pageant.

She left that latter position over her disagreement with Prejean’s beliefs, but now would be willing to return.

Other characters: Miss USA CEO Donald Trump; Miss California USA executive director Keith Lewis; Charles LiMandri, Prejean’s lawyer. Pictures available, probably, but who cares?

And finally, Alexandra Wehrley: Miss Wisconsin USA, from Pewaukee. She’s not involved in any of the above drama. She’s just way better-looking than any of the other three, so I figured a few pictures were entirely called for.

There you have it, folks. You are now up to speed.