What have I been telling you people?

Coffee, like beer and doughnuts, is a wonderful, magical substance that should be embraced wholeheartedly.

Drinking five cups of coffee a day could reverse memory problems seen in Alzheimer’s disease, US scientists say.

The Florida research, carried out on mice, also suggested caffeine hampered the production of the protein plaques which are the hallmark of the disease.

Not to mention:

Earlier research by the same team had shown younger mice, who had also been bred to develop Alzheimer’s but who were given caffeine in their early adulthood, were protected against the onset of memory problems.

So it’ll help if you’ve got it already, and it’ll help you not get it in the first place. That’s why it seems like I keep getting smarter. Because I do.

One problem:

The mice were given the equivalent of five 8 oz (227 grams) cups of coffee a day – about 500 milligrams of caffeine.

When they say “the equivalent of,” do they mean they gave the mice little mouse-sized cups of coffee? Or do they mean caffeine equivalent to what’s actually in five human-sized cups of coffee?

Because if it’s the latter, even my two pots a day aren’t doing the trick and I’m getting smarter all the time for some other reason.