No more swimsuit event?

The current Miss England, Katrina Hodge, has an idea.

The soldier and model (nicknamed “Combat Barbie”) recently convinced the organizers of the Miss England pageant to drop the ever-popular swimsuit portion. In England’s Daily Telegraph, the multitalented woman remarked that posing in swimsuits just isn’t fair to the contestants. “I think it’s nerve-racking enough to girls to get up on a stage and speak, let alone in a swimsuit.”

Deep breath. Breathe in…and exhale. Calm down. I understand. I feel the same way. But hang on, and let’s think about this.

Instead of the swimsuit competition, Hodge is suggesting:

Instead of strutting their stuff in swimsuits, the contestants will participate in a sports challenge, overseen by Hodge.

I actually like that idea, depending on the details. What, for example, will the “sports challenge” entail? Wrestling? Pugel sticks? Tickle fights?

Ha. Kidding. But, seriously, what would the event be? Some kind of obstacle course?

Here’s the next question: are beauty pageant contestants really the preening, spoiled, extravagantly-primped china-doll drama queens they appear to be? And if so, will they want to risk breaking a nail?

How much hair spray will it take to keep the locks in place while swinging over (or falling into) the mud pit?

Or… is there a rough-and-tumble mud-splattered field hockey player inside every one of those detailed and perfect Barbie dolls, screaming to get out and knock the crap out of someone?

It’d sure be fun to find out. And let’s not forget: some of the most beautiful women in the world are athletes. Wouldn’t hurt to get a few more of them into those evening gowns.