If I eat another donut…wait, what was it I was just doing?

Fruit is also involved, somehow:

Middle-aged women who are overweight may have yet another motivation to take off those excess pounds: The more a postmenopausal woman weighs, the worse her memory, researchers have found.

Actually, I think they’ve got their path of causation reversed. It’s not that heavier women have worse memories, it’s that women with worse memories tend to be heavier.

Because it’s a circular pattern, see. A widening spiral, if you will. A woman eats, then forgets what she ate. Therefore she eats more. Then she forgets that she ate again. So she eats more. Etcetera.

You may notice that this study studied only women, not men. Before anybody goes spending more tax money studying the relationship between men, fat, and memory, allow me:

The effects in men are reversed. It only makes sense. Really skinny guys will sometimes “forget to eat.” Even in Wisconsin. Regular guys remember what they ate and, if it was good, want more of it. Being men, they then go get more of it, and then later still remember how good it was, leading them to want yet more of it.

That’s why fat men are more likely to have good memories. Send me the research check, thanks, and I’ll see if I can come up with some data.