Massive Snake-Oil Spill Continues to Threaten American Ecoculture

We environmentalists are on constant alert, waging eternal vigilance upon any activity that threatens the health of our environment. The scope of our comraderie ranges from those that believe that the exhalation of carbon dioxide by other humans is worthy of their execution due to its carbon footprint stomping on Gaia’s pristine realm to those of us who realize and assess the trade-offs required in life’s progress.

Some environmentalists demand stoppage of all activity that will potentially threaten the Spotted Owl, Snail Darter, or any named mascot at any cost. Damage to human life, jobs, or development is unimportant. Since such demands seldom earn popular support, these wise people must resort to governmental power to force their wisdom upon the unwashed, unwilling, freedom-loving ignorant masses. It is for the salvation of the planet and its children. Everyone knows that reverting the lives of these unwashed back to the pristine third-world status from whence they came is the only way to save the planet. As everyone again knows, backwardness and poverty always create oneness with the planet by minimizing pollution and nasty carbon footprints.

In this vein, the leftist environmentalists see that the world lacks pristinity…

… and add a small regulation or two or two million and voilà…

… all our problems are covered. The planet and the children are saved. Such actions have worked so well every time and place they have been tried. And don’t worry. As a legume, Kudzu can be used for all needs dietary and medicinal.