In which The Trog changes the face of American literature…forever.
I had this great idea.
I was eating breakfast the other day. Sitting at the table, milk in my beard, staring at the back of the box of…oh, I don’t remember now. Life, I think. Or Honey Bunches of Oats, maybe. My family loves that.
Anyway. There’s always something on the back of the box. Something. Some simple games, or some short essay about…oh, nutrition. Wholesomeness. Something like that. I remember, when I was a kid, always checking the back of the box when I picked out a cereal. That wasn’t as important as the toy inside the box, natch, but it ranked.
This train of thought made me wonder: do they – the cereal people – expect the back-of-the-box design to induce buyers? Does anyone pick a cereal based on what’s on the back of the box?
If not, why not just spare the ink? Leave it blank. For the environment.
Nah.
So here’s my idea: a story. Not just a 500-word story you can fit on the back of a single cereal box, either. A novel. A serialized novel, published on the backs of cereal boxes.
Go ahead, say it. You know you want to. Okay, fine, I’ll say it myself. Later.
Granted, this novel would have to be devoid of curse words. Graphic violence. Any hint of sex. Sounds boring. Still, given the rampant popularity of Harry Potter and Percy Jackson and kid-oriented crap like that, I’m sure we can overcome it.
Also granted, a lot of people will simply read the box while standing in the cereal aisle. What fantastic visuals for the advertising campaign! But it won’t last forever: as this thing takes off, they’ll have to take the boxes home so the family can read it, too.
And they’ll have to…every single week. Or however long we go between new installments. Better get to that grocery store before they run out! Oh, fine, there’ll have to be some way for people to pick up any boxes they miss…or, maybe not. Let e-bay handle that. Imagine: a secondary market for cereal boxes!
Crazy, you say? Ha! Did you know that Great Expectations was a serial? That’s right, Great Expectations. Dickens. That’s why it’s so freakin’ long.
A cereal serial*. Oprah’s going to love this.
* There, I said it.
UPDATE - you think this was bad? Read the comments.
UPDATE II - Linked by Paco, Grandpa Steve, and Little Miss Attila.
Trackbacks
- Serializing on Cereal Boxes | Little Miss Attila
- Below That Old White Mountain: It’s Miller Time! « The Camp Of The Saints
- Fishersville Mike: The best to you each morning
Comments are closed.
Surreal.
You could make it a mystery about a cereal killer.
Fruity Parables
You are my blog of the week. Despite this. Besides, Obama would have to appoint a tsar for it, you know, “for the children.”
Fiber One Fiction (a bathroom reader!)
This idea has already become New & Improved!
I continue to be blinded by the brilliance that you continue to exhibit, and in public too!
If it makes money, the administration will immediately target it for “progressive” taxes. Plus, they’ll regulate the content. Big time.
I could write a story about British ‘working girls’ with hearts of gold who adopt a street urchin – Cheery Ho’s.
Or, how about [picking up on Chris's idea] the story of two cereal serial killers who, in the midst of an intense sugar high, kidnap Will Wheaton, the annoying and whiny little kid on Star Trek: Next Generation, and put him in a woodchipper – Shredded Wheaton. The investigation into the killing could be led by a street-wise rapper-turned-detective, Special K, who finds comfort from the dark things he sees in his job only in the arms of his transvestite ‘girlfriend’, Honey Nut.
Or, how about I take a long vacation.
Hmmm…guess it’s time I send you to the store with your youngest son for cereal. Much of what we have is based on what’s on the back of the box! So, thank the O if the box is interesting. And,if the serial cereal ever comes to being, promise him you will buy the box so I don’t have to stand waiting for him ! :)