A bear…with pants? Well that’s just a terrible decision.

Not the pants, necessarily. Just the whole thing.

OXFORD, Miss. – The Rebel Mascot Selection Committee is excited to announce the Rebel Black Bear as the new on-field mascot for the Ole Miss Rebels.

Yeah, the excitement is…um…palpable.

Oh, yeah, that’s so much better than the other idea:

You may remember that the Ole Miss Rebels are looking for a new on-field mascot. And the reason you might remember this may well be that for a while, one of the most widely-supported choices was none other than Star Wars’ Admiral Ackbar.

See, Admiral Ackbar is an actual Rebel. Like the old Confederate guy the school had to get rid of, but without the unfortunate racist undertones. So that would have been awesome.

What’s so rebellious about a bear? Wait, I got it: the Leftist “revolution” produced a bear market. So a bear is like a rebel because it’s a direct result of a revolution!

Yeah? Is that it?

Feh.

It’s possible, however, that all is not lost:

Thus closes the epilogue of the rise and fall of Colonel Reb as cartoonish university ambassador, with one final postscript: What are they going to name the bear? In honor of the mascot that was too perfect to exist, might I suggest … Ackbar?

It was Ackbar, not a bear, that drew national and international headlines. Everyone loved it. “Black Bear” is an anagram for “Able Ackbar.” Even “Admiral Ackbear” would be acceptable.

There’s no stopping innovation.