My 2011 Horoscope

Just for fun, here’s what my horoscope says for the coming year:

Year 2011 Overview

This is the year of expanding your mental and physical horizons, Leo.

I’m going to get fat?

Expect loads of travel and awesome adventure in 2011…

Ah, I’m going to live through a romantic comedy.

Begin pseudo-meaningless babble:

…especially between March and June when a barrage of planets enter fellow fire sign, Aries, sparking your sector of foreign travel and higher education. You’ll be pondering some of the deeper existential questions like the meaning of life, who you are and why you’re here on a daily basis. Nothing is taken for granted, as life becomes one giant college campus dishing out one lesson after another. An overwhelming desire to see the world, experiment with new philosophies and indulge in scholarly pursuits become potent themes for the course of this dynamic New Year!

We’ll have more such pseudo-babble later on.

Mental pursuits of all stripe dominant your time and attention…

Hopefully grammar will be one of those pursuits.

…for another year as Saturn continues his residence in your communication sector. Finding your true voice becomes a spiritual practice.

No, it doesn’t.

Expressing yourself through carefully cultivated word choice proves especially rewarding.

Now you’re talking. I am, after all, a blogger. A blogger who is pondering making some changes to the way he blogs, in fact.

If you’ve ever wanted to write a book, learn a new language, go back to school or take up some radical new course of study, 2011 is your year to take the risk and make your literary dreams come true.

Okay, let’s not get carried away.

The previously promised more pseudo-babble:

Pluto continues working you to the bone in 2011…

Jerk.

…through the extended transit in your work and health sector. You’re beginning to actually get accustomed to the emotional gutting as the Lord of the Underworld dredges up each and every repressed emotional issue you’ve ever had with authority figures.

I have no “repressed emotional issues,” and even if I did, I wouldn’t admit to them.

You’re coming into your own power the hard way — but this is the kind of self-possession and confidence that becomes an integral part of your being and thus can never be taken from you.

Okay, that right there made me nauseous.

Hope you all have a happy, healthy, fulfilling New Year, no matter what your horoscope says!