On the up side, the average human lifespan just rose. Across the board.

Plus, it’ll take us a little less time to get to Japan now:

Last week’s devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan has actually moved the island closer to the United States and shifted the planet’s axis.

…

The world’s fifth-largest, 8.9 magnitude quake was caused when the Pacific tectonic plate dove under the North American plate, which shifted Eastern Japan towards North America by about 13 feet. The quake also shifted the earth’s axis by 6.5 inches, shortened the day by 1.6 microseconds, and sank Japan downward by about two feet.

And this isn’t the first time this has happened:

Last year’s massive 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile also shortened the day, but by an even smaller fraction of a second. The 2004 Sumatra quake knocked a whopping 6.8 micro-seconds off the day.

A micro-second here, and a micro-second there, and pretty soon you’re talking about real time.

Plus:

Why did the quake shorten the day? The earth’s mass shifted towards the center, spurring the planet to spin a bit faster.

Well, ol’ Mother Earth is getting on in years. And those older women, they’ll tell you all about “shifting mass.”