I guess that makes me one-and-one on the attractiveness scale.

And, by one-and-one, I don’t mean “on a scale of one to ten.” It’s a win-loss record.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

VANCOUVER (Reuters) – Guys, want to look sexy and get the girl? Don’t smile too much. Look brooding or show a bit of shame instead. Women, ignore that advice.

Women find happy men less sexually attractive than those with expressions that show pride or hint that they have done wrong and know it, according to Canadian researchers.

The sad puppy look. That makes some sense, I suppose. Brooding, though? Women prefer a moody grump to a good mood? That doesn’t.

It does explain a lot, though. I’m a happy kind of guy. I grin. I make dumb jokes. I laugh at stuff. I’m happy.

Of course, being happily married is part of the reason I’m so happy, but I was happy before I was married, too. And before I was married, the girls…well, they weren’t exactly breaking down my door.

But wait, what about this?

Ever wonder why we usually gravitate toward the tallest man in the room? A new study found that it’s all about biology.

Scientists say that women perceive men of substantial height as better fighters and more useful than their shorter counterparts.

More useful, meaning: we can reach the high shelves. I should get cards printed. Husband: bugs squashed; jars opened; high places reached.

So what if you’re really happy and easy-going, but also really tall? Or very dour and stern, but only five feet tall?

Or tall, stern, and smelly? Or short, generally amiable, but really rich? Come on, science! Let’s see some variable interaction, here!