I don’t ever wanna hear that stupid Geico caveman complaining about disrespect again.

Every now and then, I receive an automated email from google, informing me as to the latest internetings of the word “troglodyte.”

I like to keep tabs on what all you people are saying. That’s why.

Anyway, a few days ago, this email led me to this:

What is the French equivalent for troglodyte? and not in the literal sense of “caveman”

I offer 3 definitions:

1. anything that lives underground (salamanders, scorpions, etc.)
2. A reclusive, reactionary, brutish, or out-of-date person.
3. A person who chooses not to keep up-to-date with the latest computer ware.

Don’t ask me where this guy’s getting those definitions. None of them are the least bit accurate, except in the most inflammatory and slanderous idiomatic slang.

What really interested me was the answer he got:

I am not sure I got what you’re looking for : one french word for all these meanings ?

By the way, “un troglodyte” in French is also a bird.

A bird? Don’t be ridiculous!

Oh, you’re not being ridiculous.

The wrens are passerine birds in the mainly New World family Troglodytidae. There are approximately 80 species of true wrens in approximately 20 genera. The genus eponymous of the family is Troglodytes.

A bird. And not just a bird. A cute little tiny bird.

Oh, God, my reputation!

You’d think at least it ought to be a big ugly bird. You know, something to scare children and make the menfolk reach for the shotguns. Or at least something worth putting on the grill. But, no. They’re tiny. Itsy bitsy. Not even a mouthful.

And, in French, apparently, “troglodyte” translates directly to “wren.” Not only that, they call it “un troglodyte mignon,” which I’m pretty sure translates to “tiny bird steaks,” which is weird, sure, but who the hell can figure out the French?

Great. Sigh. Guess I’d better start figuring out a way to own this. Maybe “mignon” could be interpreted as “minion?” Because I could use a few of those.