Lab-grown meat: it’s mmm-mmm good!
Alternate headline: finally, we’ll be able to let all these damn cows die! Great job, PETA!
Where’s the Beef? Scientists Turn Stem Cells into PETA-Approved Meat
Hamburger meat could be grown in a test tube as soon October. In a bid to protect the environment, Dutch scientists are exploring lab-grown meat options.
Well, okay. As long as I can’t tell the difference between the Frankenstein “meat” and the real thing.
Plus, maybe food gets cheaper, right?
Fake meat might sound gross, but scientists say an alternative meat is essential. Raising cattle takes an enormous amount of water, feed and energy. All in all, about 100 pounds of resources is required to obtain 15 pounds of usable meat. Artificial meat could improve that efficiency by at least 35 percent.
It’s good for the environment.
Mark Post, chairman of physiology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, is conducting the $330,000 experiment, funded by an anonymous donor.
That “anonymous donor” better not be the U.S. government.
He has begun transforming stem cells from a herd of cattle into inch-long strips of muscle tissue. The meat strips can be mashed together to create a hamburger patty. The color of the meat is wavers between whitish pink or pinkish yellow.
Okay, that’s gross. Plus: no steaks. No ribs. No dice.
The research has support from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), which is also urging scientists to create stem-cell chicken by the end of June for a $1 million prize. PETA’s competition started four years ago.
So then we can just do away with all the chickens, too! Because, seriously, who’d want to keep those irritating, stupid birds when you don’t need them for food?
Oh, eggs, I suppose. Yeah, never mind. We’ll still want eggs.
Now for the second-best line of the story:
Like the red meat, the chicken would edible.
Because, hell, if all they wanted was inedible lab-grown chicken meat, I’d have already won that $1 million.
And now for the first-best line of the story:
PETA says it supports eating meat as long as the animal isn’t killed or inhumanely treated.
There is so much yes, exactly, about that sentence.
Alternate headline II: Screw You, Farmers!
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