Well how did you think I survived in this job for so long?
The office is the perfect place to find materials for making dangerous improvised weapons. (Please consult with HR before making dangerous improvised weapons.)
“Consult with HR?” But you can’t go down to HR unarmed!
There are heavy things and sharp things and also adhesives and rubber bands. Scissors, letter openers, and pens are menacing even in their original condition. Together these are also the building blocks for many tools that made the medieval era such an uncomfortable time to live.
I’m not hoarding office supplies. I’m stockpiling weapons.